I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
