Yo dont text me then not text me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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