Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
