If that was your dad, he is hot
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
