Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
