At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
