Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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