apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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