oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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