just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
