Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
