do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
