I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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