No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
