Buhtt sex?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
