So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I need to stop coming to work sober
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
