and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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