the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
