Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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