I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
