Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
