hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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