You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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