Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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