I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
