Me. At least after what I've been through.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
