New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
