I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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