I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
