you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
