I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
