I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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