No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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