i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
