I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
