Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if only i could text you this smell
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
