Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
