Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
