I am spending my child support on dildos
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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