I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
