its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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