Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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