The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize