Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
