She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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