i don't like sucking hair
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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