is wine microwaveable?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
