First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
