someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
