my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize