I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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