You're my little dorito
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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