Umm I'm too high to move.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
