You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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