Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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