Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
