I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I can text with my tongue
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
