apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
