Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
