i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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