i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
