I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am midnight drunk by noon
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
