I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
