1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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