is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
